It Leans to the Left

Indiana Daily Student columnist Josh Kraus recently wrote a witty blog post, but due to bad journalism ethics complications, it was taken down by the editor-in-chief.

So here’s the article–check it out!

Todd Young....this time with a shirt.

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Why would your average college student vote for Todd Young?  He opposes all those classic liberal talking points like gay rights, abortion rights, climate-change initiatives and universal health care. He favors a limited government and an increase in second amendment rights. He goes to church, and probably believes in that Jesus guy.

But I know something about Todd Young that only a man in a food delivery position can. He is a great tipper, and looks damn good shirtless. Be jealous boys and girls.

During the summer I worked for Straight2YourDoor, a company that picks up food from delivery challenged restaurants such as Crazy Horse and Siam House, and heroically brings it to pot heads and agoraphobics all across town.

Todd Young and his family were frequent patrons of S2YD, and I delivered to them often. They had a vampiric lust for T.G.I Fridays, and a curious obsession with El Norteno.

We had a brief, but revealing relationship. I was the man with the goods, they were the ones with the cash. It was a dangerous, seductive dance – like a fiery tango done in a pit of rabid Komodo dragons.

But during these interactions I learned a few things about our potential congressman. First, the man is a generous tipper. I would normally receive less than ten percent from other customers, and was often stiffed or given chump change. But Mr. Young always managed to start the bidding at at least twenty percent. Thanks buddy.

Second, he looks good shirtless, and knows it. I’d ring the doorbell, hear the bubbly chatter of his young children, and then see a chiseled torso through the crystalline glass window. I always wondered what activity constantly rendered him shirtless – but in the end I just assumed he was trying to seduce me.

So if you don’t care about the issues, and want to add some sex-candy to our congress this year, then you might want to vote for Todd Young. I’d take attractiveness over civil-rights any day.